On A Clear Day

People find their way – they usually do.

I have faith in the human spirit, or the struggle for good in all of us. Even when we’re down we are not out – we come back fighting.

Today I watched as a small group of apparently injured US soldiers were wheeled by me. I’m guessing they were out on a short excursion from the near by Naval hospital.

The scene can’t be more striking - the contrast so clear – I was taking my lunch break enjoying the beautiful San Diego sun and the serene landscape that only Balboa Park can offer – and here is a solider being wheeled by me with his lower leg missing with a compression stocking pulled up around the part that was left. No doubt blown off in a land mine in the Middle East (I imagined a scene like the ones in the movie The Hurt Locker). He looked to be in good spirits as he and the person wheeling him around were exchanging banter and laughing.

As I looked at that I was overwhelmed with emotion and before long I found my eyes full of tears. I gulped down the lump in my throat as my mind was filled with gratitude for this young man’s sacrifice. We get disconnected don’t we? The war is in another world far from us. I wanted to run up and thank him but was caught in a pensive moment…I watched the group grow smaller in the distance fading into the beauty of the park.

How…how does one overcome set backs so life changing…so irreversible?

I had been experiencing a few weeks of stress due to my schedule and commitments but there I sat – embarrassed by my complaints in comparison. I found my stress lift as I took courage from this sight. I think it was God’s way of giving me a poetic object lesion.

(Original 2008 Painting titled: “On A Clear Day – Red Forever” and a thought I wrote to go with it: 

Should I buy the gold or the silver...

This Style looks good on me...

I need the latest...

Did you hear who won the grammy...

I gotta have that car... 

  

Peace and calm where you are

Destruction where you aren't

Worlds apart

Fear and civil unrest

Unless you've been there

It's hard to imagine 

[Pray for evil to cease and peace to prevail] 

A Life Line

Joe struck up a conversation with me as soon as he got into the classroom. A large kid, somewhere between husky and fat with a very respectful tone in his voice you don’t often hear in teens these days. As he sat down waiting for the bell to ring signaling the start of class, I noticed he was writing in his notebook. I asked him if he likes to write? He says he writes poetry a lot. I threw a challenge to him by asking him to write me something just to see what he would say.

He brought this back to me and asked me to read it and to tell him what I thought about it.

(A rap by Joe a student in the 11^th grade, Winter 2009)

Hard times has me facing,

Trials and tribulations,

And every other day I strive but God

Is always patient.

So I take all that I learn into

Consideration,

And make sure all of my enemies stayed

Choked leaving no ventilation.

I gotta find a way to pursue my goal,

Will this thug life stop? Nobody knows.

From what I see you need to follow

The hourglass,

In order to look to the future you should

Know your past.

Hard times made me understand,

The reason for my past,

But I didn’t know what to do with

Blood on my hands,

Until I realized God really had a plan,

AND that plan was to be make me a better

Man.

I finished reading it at my desk and then called him over to ask questions. I said “thug life”, are you in a gang, of course I didn’t think he fit the profile. He answered, “yes” he and some relatives are in a Laotian gang called “TLC” in Linda Vista, CA. I was surprised! It sounds like you are talking about killing someone, “blood on my hands”. Joe says he and his relatives have killed people, his voiced trailed off – he was not bragging when he told me this. In a soft tone he added, "I've seen people shot and killed right in front of me... There’s not much hope for the kids who grow up in my neighborhood – you’re stuck". He told me he is doing everything in his power to keep his little brothers from going into the gang. He told his uncle to leave his brothers alone. He wants out so desperately. If you could see this student you would not see a gang member – no hardened by hate or revenge in him. He had a gentle spirit and a big heart. My heart was breaking just listening to his story. He genuinely wanted to share his work with me. He told me I could keep this rap, “It’s for you”. I asked him if he is a Christian he said I’m a Buddhist. I asked, “So what is your plan to get out of the gang life?” He said “My music, it’s my life. When I graduate I plan to move to L.A. to get my music career going”. He plans on going to a music school too. His notebook was full of poetry and rap – FULL.

If you could see in his eyes, the deep seeded desire to do something with his life and his talent, you would believe in him too. I told him I believe you will make it, don’t give up! Let that hate for the life you have right now drive you to pursue your talent. Don’t ever give up on your dream!

We all aren’t much different from Joe are we? We are all pursuing something. I often run into people who aren’t even aware they are in pursuit. What is your goal I ask, “Goal…just to get through life”. If you haven’t already, ask yourself what are my life goals? What passion am I not pursuing? What talent are you sitting on? For some, like Joe, your talent may be your only life source. His music is his way out of the gang life he has always known.

His talent is a lifeline from God. I believe that. God gave this chubby teen in Linda Vista a way out, He threw him a lifeline – our God is so good! Have you ever considered your talent as a lifeline from God? You know God has given us our gifts no matter how insignificant we think they are. What are you doing with the gifts God has given you? Your talent just may be the lifeline to pull you out of a horrible life situation. God cares about us so much He has thrown us lifelines for help. Is it music, acting, painting, sculpting, dance, design, fashion, writing, singing…what is it?

Someone Was Shot

Someone was shot last night and I don’t know his name. There was a teen party…probably a graduation party…they were outside. Two teens not at the party walked up to one teen at the party and shot him dead.

I was busy doing something when I heard a commotion then police sirens. I looked outside and watched as the cop cars kept rolling up…1, 2…12, 13, 14 and 15 (that I could count). I watched out the window as the yellow crime scene tape went up.

A neighbor, who just moved into the area, was standing by my door as we looked in the direction of the dramatic scene. At that moment we did not know what had happened.

He later knocked on my door to give me a report – it was a murder. He was worked up and second guessing his recent move into the area with his six-year-old daughter. I told him I have never seen it this bad and this close. I told him I drove by a murder scene, a few blocks away, two years ago but other than that it’s been quiet around here. He riley joked – “I guess if there is only a murder every other year it’s not too bad” We laughed (I laughed nervously) finished small talk and I went back inside.

As the days passed I pondered long and hard at his keen sense of observation for my lack of apparent concern and threat – that ate at me. What had happened to me? A boy was shot in the head…bloody… dead… almost within eyesight distance. A mother’s world is smashed with grief. And what my neighbor seemed to pick up on was,” well at least it wasn’t on our side of the street, in our yard, and at least it wasn’t me or anyone I knew”.

I think in reality my reaction is all to common. In that moment, my remarks summed up the general reaction of most people. [Let me finish before you disagree]. We extend this attitude out to our city, county, state, country, and other world places. We cope by being selfish. We shut down our compassion in order to not feel pain, in order to not bleed emotionally for our fellow human being. Being human is to care or at least it use to be.

Would the results of the, Holocaust, or Bosnia, or Rwanda, or add any number of human atrocities to this list, be any different if we were able to let the pain of humanity come in… come in to the point that it HURT? Think what Jesus felt – the weight of the world on Him. What if we were brave enough to just let a chink of the light of humanities pain in to shine on our heart. I think it’s time to feel again. To hurt again. To open our eyes and see…really see humanity like Jesus does. I often wondered how mother Teresa had it in her to take in all the sickness and abject poverty and feel the pain. She once said it’s not hard, I just see them with the eyes of Jesus. Simple in words but hard in practice.

There was a time I use to work on a national teen crisis hotline. I would pray incessantly for God to open my eyes to the hurting - to bring people into my life that no one else was reaching…and…and He did. Something happened. I lost that. I became selfish again. I became fearful and even aloof to the needs of others. I pray once again “God Help me to see what you see” – talk about a dangerous prayer. Because with this prayer comes responsibility. The guilt of knowing and doing nothing is a prescription for torture.